It is for Freedom

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

But I still fight the compulsion

To apologize.

For who I am.

For who I’m not.

That’s not freedom…

That’s exhausting.

As women, we watch as our pendulum swings back and forth

from being too much to not enough,

and I start feeling nauseous like I’m sea sick,

but I’m just sick of what I see.

As girls, we let our wings take us to the heights we ache to soar,

But at some point,

We stop believing we have wings at all,

So we crawl

On the ground

Striving for the very thing we will never reach.

And like the ground we crawl on,

Our fault lines run deep

Because the freedom we lost wasn’t taken away -

It was given away.

I traded in the wonder of my wings

for the wanting of my worth

Because in 6th grade, you’re not worth anything unless the boys think you’re pretty.

And they didn’t.

A slow song was starting, and I held my breath as my crush walked toward me.

“You know you’re ugly right?”

After all these years,

I’m still sorry I said yes.

I had failed the audition I didn’t even realize was taking place.

But we know better now, don't we girls?

The audition for approval is always taking place.

And if you want to make the show

You have to be a show…

So like any good actress, I put on my make-up and costume.

And they stayed on.

For 20 years they stayed on.

Sin is subtle…

And so is satan.

“You only live once” He whispers.

Yeah.

And you only die once too, but I didn’t care.

Slowly…slowly, my necklines got lower

Heals got higher

Waist got thinner

Mask got thicker

Morals duller

Thornes sharper

And my selfish view got narrower

As the distance between me and God got wider and wider.

The last thing I yelled at Him was:

“If that’s what ‘Jesus People’ are like, I don’t want to be one of ‘em.” and I walked out.

And He let me go…

In circles…

So long that I dug myself an open grave.

Exposing the deepest

Most desperate roots of my delusions

To the last thing they wanted,

And the only thing they needed,

Because not all growth is good.

And light, is the only thing that can dry up this desire

To please the very people I grew these thorns for.

But instead of protecting me,

My thorns twisted and turned…

Into a stronghold

That leached on and choked out

Everything that brought me life.

Until.

Until Life Himself took that tangled cage around my heart

And wore it as a crown around His head.

And I’m still looking at Him bewildered.

Why would You do that?

Why was my freedom worth your death?

And when I finally listened to His answer…

And He does answer…

His words changed the cadence of this shrunken heart

From a death procession

To a victory march

Because truly I tell you,

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Galatians 5:1)

The question is: How have you become burdened again by a yoke of slavery?